Why I've been MIA lately

On Friday, I went to hear this dude read from his new book and it was amazing. It was so amazing I need a new word for amazing. I bought the book. True genius is all I'm gonna say. I'm not even going to go on because you need to buy it yourself and read it and then we can talk. Saturday I worked and then went to a poetry slam, which I have never been to before but really enjoyed. On the way home from the poetry slam (we biked) my housemate A who was pedaling behind me screams "they just threw away the day old bread" at the top of his lungs as we ride past the Franklin Street Bakery a block from our house. As we pull up to the house to park our bikes, A suggests to my roommate A and myself "hey they just put a bunch of bread in the dumpster behind the bakery, do you want to go dumpster diving?"

Since A and A are a pair and I'm the trusty sidekick for the evening, and A decides to go along with A, I decide to come too. Because either a. I don't have a brain or b. I need some more entertainment for the evening. I've never been dumpster diving before and it might must make a good blog post or chapter for my novel later. We get there, and there's a "no trespassing" sign on the gate to the dumpster, but the gate is open. There are not one but THREE large trash bags full of day-old bread. Tied up, non-punctured, and sitting in the dumpster, which is about a foot over our heads. Male A reaches up and punches a hole in the bag, and doesn't hesitate to grab a slice of sourdough and take a bite from it. We contemplate taking it, see a cop drive by, and walk away slowly. "It's too heavy," male A says ashamed of himself. All of sudden, female A can't be outdone and challenges male A to a competition. The two of them race toward the dumpster again and proceed to dig it out, lift it up and run toward the house. It starts to fall, and they beg me to grab it before it hits the ground.

So I know this isn't funny now, but at the time, we were in so many stitches of laughter we could not hold the bag and what's more, the hole in the bag was creating a Hansel and Gretel effect all the way back to our house. At least the squirrels and birds won't starve. We get home, and none of us has a house key, so we beat on the door until M answers it only to find the three of us whacked out on breadcrumbs and carrying a body-bag size bag of bread. It should be said now that M is allergic to glutin and can't eat bread. But she goes along with it. We dump the bag out on the floor and J just stares at us from the covers on the couch. "What the hell" I think just about covers her response. For the remainder of the night we bagged the bread into individual bags and started giving it away and putting it in the freezer.

Not one of my brightest moves, but then again, I won't have to buy bread again, ever. And I'm not dead yet. It was a pretty sweet evening. I bet you've never dumpster dove for bread?

Now that I've shared, what was the stupidest thing you've ever done as a younger person? Speak up now!