THE DAY'S WORDS
I only have eight more TPS (ok, EL-TPCs reports to lock and I am so proud of myself.
I sat on these for months becuase they are so tedious. But now that EOCs are near and I have to do them, I will do them but I will complain about them every step of hte way. Ugh.
I'm so glad they are almost done.
They just suck. There is no way to make this task fun.
No way.
I'm at a bar, listening to Matt and Sherri on Youtube. And that's the irony.
It is how I relax.
They are talking about intamacy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaJ25Ao5J5E
Matt published an article titled, "Her Touch," on SoberandUnashamed.com. The article exposes a new aspect of sex and intimacy that Sheri and Matt have never discussed, and Matt is super anxious about it. Anxiety is a universal expression of fear, and we are not immune even after years of vulnerability.
He said he was upset that no one commented, but it was it was a touchy subject so naturally I'm going to read it and comment.
https://mattsalis.medium.com/her-touch-sober-and-unashamed-96cd2ae5dd6f
My comment to him:
I'm sorry you didn't get much engagement from your touch article. It is a very delicate subject, but I read it and it did resonate with me. Thank you for being your authentic self once again and showing that it is possible to be authentic and connection-driven without substance use. It's a phenomenon that my loved one still hasn't clung to but that which I crave and have had to cling to in other areas of my life.
Good things:
Esra telling me that my class in 6th period was the first class she was authentically able to speak English in all day. (How sad for, her, but yay I'm doing something right, right?!)
Aaron writing his reading reflection telling me that he didn't read but he did look up cures for his sprained wrist and how worried his is about it that he can't play baseball this season. It's not good he hurt his wrist. It is good that he is OK communicating this with me in writing in English.
Mauricio checking out another animal book at the library.
Pixar movie shorts with 11th/12th Grade. We should all watch Pixar shorts.
Renee Westlake. Seriously. Breath of fresh air. She believes in all of us and loves her job. Loves all of our jobs. I love all of my interactions with this woman.
Ms. Krishna. I told her my students think of her as mom and this overjoyed her. She is also the second person in school I opened up to about Cameron's addiction. And I didn't mean to. She was sitting on my TPS reports and I felt bad for outing her. I had to open up with humanity first. She felt bad and opened up about being overwhelmed. It seemed appropriate. She mentioned not communicating with her husband. Not knowing what 10am looks life in real life becuase where are we all at 10am. She mentioned not living life. Being here until 4, going home, grading and planning, coming back and repeating the cycle. She hit me in MY feels. She mentioned not seeing her husband. I mentioned the same. I mentioned not WANTING to see my partner. Not feeling seen. She said she loved her husband. I said I didn't like my partner. She said she loved her husband but he made her feel like a child. She actually said he told her he wasn't her father and she needs to grow up. I wondered about that for a second and thought about everything I talked about in therapy and family group. I said my partner was in addiction and mental health treatment. She said I just needed to love him more. What? That is what you are not supposed to say. I said I was doing my work and he was doing his. I said I couldn't love him sober. She agreed. And then her kids started coming in for after school tutoring and she started introducing them to me one by one. She cares. She's one of the good ones. But we are both lacking so much connection it isn't funny. She needs to be back in India. I need to fly out of the country so bad.
Going the alternative route today. Throwing out my plans. Going to check out books and read them. Going on a scavenger hunt to find red and blue things and take pictures of them around the school. Authentic conversations.
Emily Gibson walking into my room 5th and seeing my and her students hanging out an eating lunch. Maybe she will see how I connect. I know she so desperately wants to connect. And I want her to. But she's so young and she wants to so badly connect with our kids but also wants to play the authority card. And there's a way to play both. And I'm so glad she stopped by today. She needs to experience adult converation and I need to experience connection with her. Maybe I am doing her a favor. Maybe I'm doing my students a favor by connecting with her. I gave her my personal phone number! She is so academic right now and not real people focused. I think it's good for people like Ambar and Sofiia to see that I can have conversations with people I don't really get along with...
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