Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Curiousity Killed the Cat
If ever there was a song that expressed every fiber of my very being. This would be it. Seriously. I've found the title song for the soundtrack to the movie of my life.
More Fabulous Top Tens
Top Ten Things To Say in an Interview for an Infant Room Teaching Position That Might Betray the Fact that You Know Crap About Babies
10. "...Will there be feces?"
9. "What would I do at floor time with the rug rats? Crap if I know... HAHAHAHAHA. ...Shoot myself? Wait....was that a trick question?"
8. "Well, if faced with a floor full of babies, I would...dance a jig and hope for the best? Talk about Sesame Street and how awesome it is to be able to talk?"
7. "Well, what do you want me to do with a floor full of babies? Quote Shakespeare?" Discuss Homer and the Odyssey? You can never teach them too early!"
6. "Your Baby Can Read. That's what we would be doing. Your Baby Can Read, Theory of Hegemonic Decline, classic lit--you know, the usual."
5. "What can possibly be so hard about a room full of babies? You pop in a tape and let the music do the rest...right? Um, thank God for Raffi--know what I mean?""
4. "You mean there's a wrong way to slap a diaper on that little fella? Who knew?"
3. "She's so TINY! Are you sure I won't break her? So, how hard could I squeeze her? I mean, theoretically..."
2. "You mean that little munchkin...er...dopey/sleepy/sneezy...I have do what? You are asking me to do what now? I DON'T THINK SO BIOTCH."
1. "What if I run out of formula? Is there a snack machine in this place?"
10. "...Will there be feces?"
9. "What would I do at floor time with the rug rats? Crap if I know... HAHAHAHAHA. ...Shoot myself? Wait....was that a trick question?"
8. "Well, if faced with a floor full of babies, I would...dance a jig and hope for the best? Talk about Sesame Street and how awesome it is to be able to talk?"
7. "Well, what do you want me to do with a floor full of babies? Quote Shakespeare?" Discuss Homer and the Odyssey? You can never teach them too early!"
6. "Your Baby Can Read. That's what we would be doing. Your Baby Can Read, Theory of Hegemonic Decline, classic lit--you know, the usual."
5. "What can possibly be so hard about a room full of babies? You pop in a tape and let the music do the rest...right? Um, thank God for Raffi--know what I mean?""
4. "You mean there's a wrong way to slap a diaper on that little fella? Who knew?"
3. "She's so TINY! Are you sure I won't break her? So, how hard could I squeeze her? I mean, theoretically..."
2. "You mean that little munchkin...er...dopey/sleepy/sneezy...I have do what? You are asking me to do what now? I DON'T THINK SO BIOTCH."
1. "What if I run out of formula? Is there a snack machine in this place?"
Top Ten Saturday
Maybe I've posted these before, but they're too good not to post again.
Top 10 Worse Things You Could Have Said About An Activity At Americorps Training Than, "Who wrote this??" When The Creator Was Present In The Room
by Emily
10. "Say, is that the stench of incompetency I smell lingering on the pages describing this activity, or did somebody let one?"
9. "So what was the inspiration for this activity? Someone up at headquarters have a colonic?"
8. "Who threw together this hot mess of a useless exercise?"
7. "Shoulder to shoulder? Bitch, please. Don't make me pop a cap in yo' ass."
6. "I think I speak for all of us when I say, 'What the fuck?'"
5. "We have to touch each other? Well, I just want everyone to know before we begin--I have cooties...hey, don't judge..."
4. "Are we gonna sing Kumbaya, too?"
3. "From what blocked up bureaucratic lower intestine did this activity drop?"
2. "I bet whoever wrote this can't even spell 'bureaucratic.'"
1. "I think this exercise is a prime example of what we on the trainee end would call 'bureau-squeeze.'"
Top 10 Worse Things You Could Have Said About An Activity At Americorps Training Than, "Who wrote this??" When The Creator Was Present In The Room
by Emily
10. "Say, is that the stench of incompetency I smell lingering on the pages describing this activity, or did somebody let one?"
9. "So what was the inspiration for this activity? Someone up at headquarters have a colonic?"
8. "Who threw together this hot mess of a useless exercise?"
7. "Shoulder to shoulder? Bitch, please. Don't make me pop a cap in yo' ass."
6. "I think I speak for all of us when I say, 'What the fuck?'"
5. "We have to touch each other? Well, I just want everyone to know before we begin--I have cooties...hey, don't judge..."
4. "Are we gonna sing Kumbaya, too?"
3. "From what blocked up bureaucratic lower intestine did this activity drop?"
2. "I bet whoever wrote this can't even spell 'bureaucratic.'"
1. "I think this exercise is a prime example of what we on the trainee end would call 'bureau-squeeze.'"
Maybe, in the Future
I will come back around to myself. Feeling a little like a vision of my former self lately. Anyhow, good song:
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