Rating Comfort Level in Various Relationships
10 = Very comfortable 1=Not comfortable at all
Relationship Categories:
1. With your parents – 9/10 with mom; 4/10 with dad right now. I definitely don’t share things about my relationship with either of them and only keep it positive most of the time. If I am having another issue, my mom’s the guide, but nothing with dad.
2. With your children – I don’t have biological children, but I consider my students my own children sometimes, by default. I do think and worry about them like some moms worry about their bio kids. I do have nightmares about them. So to the extent that I can, I am 8/10 comfortable with my role as their teacher and mentor, guiding them through American high school for the first time in the country. We do share some pretty cool things and learn about each other throughout the year.
3. With your partner – I’m about 4/10 here. I only share what I think he can handle and censor myself frequently based on what I think is his mood at the time. I don’t share everything. He runs the agenda of the house. If he doesn’t like it, we usually don’t do it. I do a lot of things on my own and that gets lonely.
4. With other family – I don’t really talk to a lot of other family members. That’s what this disease does to families. I guess I see my mom’s brother and his wife, but cousins have dropped off the radar. My aunt and uncle are very open and non-judemental. I do feel comfortable sharing parts of my life with them like I do my mom. My grandparents used to be that for me, but they have since passed away. I don’t share anything with my brother; he’s at 5/10. Maybe a little more with his wife, 6/10.
5. With close friends – Maria is really the only close friend right now, and I do share things from time to time with her but don’t burden her with relationship details for fear of judgement. She wants me to leave and thinks I can do better. I’d put Maria at an 8/10, right below mom.
6. With distant friends/neighbors – 2/10 Nothing. I don’t even have distant friends. My neighbors don’t talk to us. We live in such an isolated world.
7. With your boss – I’ve worked hard here. 5/10 because I do share things that are going on in my classroom with my APs. They support me on behavior issues and issues with coworkers. I have built that level of trust with them, more so than at other schools. They know I care for my students and families and have their best interest at heart when making decisions. I don’t share details of my personal life with them. That’s just not appropriate for the situation.
8. With other coworkers – 4/10 superficial at best but friendly. I share what I’m reading for fun with a lot of them and we have lunchtime chatter but not much more.
How have these ratings changed over the years. What is missing in relationships where you aren't comfortable?
I think I was more comfortable with my parents before alcohol came into the picture in my relationship. They know too much and no one wants to talk about it unless I initiate, and I don’t want to initiate. Everything is fine here, nothing to see. I have always as far as I can remember back in childhood felt more comfortable with mom than with dad. General affect and emotional safety with her than with him. I obviously felt more comfortable before alcohol with Cameron. I do think I did a lot of isolating from friends and family in this process and that is hard to make up for now. It’s almost like too much time has passed.
To what do you attribute the comfort in relationships where you are comfortable?
The relationships where I am most comfortable, like mom and Maria, I attribute to time spent. I don’t miss out on making time for them and making them a priority in my life. I’ve tried to make Cameron a priority and it’s getting better but for the longest time he had other priorities.
Are there lessons you can learn, and things you can transfer, between the categories?
Not sure about this one. I need to listen to other people’s answers to get a feel for this one. I don’t think one relationship gives way to others in my life currently.
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