My co-workers know me too well...

At a ceremony at work earlier today, co-workers donated this book to the school's library in my honor, mostly because it seemed like something I'd like. I think I showed my true colors a little too well this year. I am Emily Dickinson. Introspective. Intelligent. Lover of words. Composer of poems. Lifelong learner of poems. Alone. That's perfectly fine by me. I'm glad I'm so transparent.

I have nothing to share

Happy Thanksgiving, dear readers. I feel the need for a profound post here, but have nothing to say. I don't even feel like looking for a hulu.com or YouTube video to post. So I will just say there are many many things to be thankful for this year and end it at that. I am reading a really intriguing book though. Wally Lamb's She's Come Undone is fantastic, so I will probably go back to reading that soon. Sorry for being so, well, boring.

Baby Madness

Working in the infant room at the East Side Community Center while also listening to easy listening sad FM for the over forty got me thinking: Just how many songs have the word baby in them? And could I make an awesome "baby room mix tape"? One I actually wouldn't mind listening to while wiping projectile vomit off my chest and changing only a million diapers. Of course I can. Here's what I have so far:

1. Baby Girl, Sugarland
2. Walkin' My Baby Back Home, Nat King Cole (other versions work too...though I like Cole's best
3. Baby Got Going, Liz Phair
4. Tell Me Baby, Red Hot Chili Peppers
5. Next Year Baby, Jamie Cullum
6. Isn't She Lovely, Stevie Wonder (What baby mix is complete without this, seriously?)

There's more...stay tuned!

My shrink told me...

...that I will end up going to my grave never being sure of myself, and that I should just accept that. What do you think?

Bird Brain

So yesterday when I arrived at my job, I had no clue I was walking into a zoo. Remind me to tell you about the Brooklyn Center Bird Brain story later...

Soundtrack of My Life, Part I

1. Love Song For No One
John Mayer
Room for Squares

Favorite line: "Could have met you in the sandbox/Could have met you on a sidewalk." I swear this is my life. I seem to miss opportunities for no good reason at all.


2. Even Though
Farah Alvin
I Love You Because (A Modern Day Musical Love Story)

Favorite line: "Even though I know your way of life is different/even though there's not a single thing we share...even though you're not like anyone I know/you take me to a place I didn't even know was there..."

OK, cheesy, I realize. But I can't help think of that someone IS out there, if only for a day. Hell, I'll settle for an HOUR at this point...

3. The Heart of the Matter
India.Arie
Sex and the City (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

A really great song from a really good movie.


4. Climbing Uphill
The Last 5 Years
The Last 5 Years

Right now, The way my career is going, I might as well be climbing uphill with molasses stuck to the bottom of my boots and a back pack full of bricks. I feel like Kathy describing her acting career comparing herself with the perky bimbos she faces as competition for work in this quirky musical about a failed marriage.

Favorite line:

"I am a good person/I am an attractive person/I am a talented person/Grant me grace..."


5. Auld Lang Syne
Mairi Campbell & Dave Francis
Sex and the City (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

There's a really touching scene in SATC the movie where Carrie runs to Miranda's home when either of them have no one to spend NYE with. My number one rule in life is similar to the FAB FOUR's: Girlfriends are the core of my very being, and since I have no biological sisters, my girlfriends are the closest thing to them. I would do anything for them, and this moving rendition of the NYE classic.


6. Belief
John Mayer
The Village Sessions

You have to believe in something, right?


7. Take Me Back to New Orleans
Cowboy Mouth
Take Me Back to New Orleans

I can't listen to this without tears. I think about my time in the Corps and the work we, Silver 7, did in the Gulf last year.

8. Alone
Courtney Balan, Farah Alvin & Jordan Leeds
I Love You Because (A Modern Day Musical Love Story)

I was destined to be ALONE for the rest of my life and I am almost happier that way. Enough said.

I love music and there is no song that can't lift my spirits when I am in a bad mood. (Excluding anything thing by Brittany Spears or family.) This is a draft edition of part I of the Soundtrack of My Life. I'm working on finding more songs and more descriptions of why they represent my current chapter of my life. What do you think? Comments welcome...

I miss the days when...

it was almost a given that you had plans for fireworks and the Fourth of July. My work plans canceled themselves WITHOUT calling me (ARG) and now I'm stuck in a state I don't know and my roommates are with their families and I miss the Camp Misty Mountain days where we would head up to Chattanooga and watch fireworks over the river and I always had someone to do something with. Even last summer was a blast. I was living in Charleston working at the museum, and headed down to meet said CMM crew in Savannah, and watched fireworks over the river. Now I'm in a town with a bigger river, but it's like I didn't meet anyone this year. Gosh getting old sucks. Gosh growing up sucks worse. I guess I'll deal, and I'm sorry for the rant. Just had to get it out there to the blogging world. Anyone else feel like this?

Why do I not like PAID work?

I swear I could volunteer ALL day everyday if I could survive. It's so much easier causes me way less stress than actual working. I get just as much done, without the fear of actually disappointing the person that is paying me and feeling that I've done something wrong. Volunteers are always appreciated, and if they aren't, they don't have to come back. There is accountability, but only the positive kind and it seems, as soon as one brings money in the picture the situation turns sour with the idea that one must actually prove their worth. So yes, I do feel that the world would be a better place if there were no jobs, and everyone took responsibility for their own tasks and were not so reliant on the next dollar to get them where they were going. Interesting concept, but I fear I have no idea what I am talking about. So take it for what it's worth.

That giddy feeling

Brought on by a haircut, yes I said a haircut, at Juut in Uptown Minneapolis. I say that because I was sporting, unaware of course, a mullet. A MULLET, friends, ON ME!?!? How does this happen? I have no idea, but I'm never going six months without a haircut again. I was MORTIFIED. Me, a MULLET? No way. That's OK. It's fixed now, and it's fabulous short, curly hair for summer. Take a look.

Thanks, Emmy!!!

I feel like this today, thanks to my job search. Strangely though, this is comforting...

Why do I fall in love with books and not people?

This is the story about some lost girl who wandered into some strange building on Washington Ave. on a nothing-cooking Thursday night to discover an amazing woman reading from her new book. The woman was Patricia Cumbie, and the book was Where People Like Us Live. Really, it should have been nothing spectacular. It's really not unlike a coming of age story with two girls as the heroines, and I am such a sucker for a coming of age story. I was hooked. I bought the book for a price I'm not going to admit here, and was completely sucked into the story of Libby (14 going on 15 looking to find a friend) and vulnerable and sassy Angie, same age but much older due to her life circumstances.

I think what made me like this book even more was the story the author told before reading. This was her first published book, and it comes after something like 18 or so rejections. She originally didn't market it to young adults, and only became successful after she did. She also discovered writing after her first Loft class. I'm taking my first Loft class this summer. So I will be someone someday. Mark my blogging words. I will be the next Judy Blume, Beverly Cleary, or Patricia Cumbie all rolled into one. It doesn't matter that I've had nothing happen to me yet. It doesn't matter that no one wants to hear my story. I'll make them listen to it anyway. I'm that good.

Introspection is a BITCH!

I'm doing more reflecting for my PCA job, and while it's valuable, I'm finding out some things that I'd rather not know. Not now, anyway. For example, I have more DRAINS then FUELS. I suppose that's not a good thing. Take the test, and find out what is Fueling and Draining you.

What’s Draining You?
(Start with 100 pts. Subtract 2 points per item checked.)

Relationships
_____ There are people in my life who often drain my energy (-2 per person).
_____ I have unreturned phone calls, e-mails, or letters that need to be handled.
_____ I have an unresolved conflict with a family member.
_____ I lack quality friendships in my life.
_____ I feel a void in my life created by the lack of a romantic partner.
_____ There is someone I need to forgive.
_____ There is a relationship I need to end.
_____ There is a phone call I dread making, and it causes me stress.
_____ I’m currently involved in a relationship that compromises my values.
_____ I miss being a part of a loving and supportive community.

Environment
_____ My car is in need of cleaning and/or repair.
_____ My wardrobe needs updating and/or alterations.
_____ I’d like to live in a different geographic location.
_____ I have appliances that need repair or upgrading.
_____ My home is not decorated in a way that nourishes me.
_____ My closets and/or basement are cluttered and need to be cleaned.
_____ Repairs need to be done around my home or apartment.
_____ My home is cluttered and disorganized.
_____ I miss having more beauty reflected in my environment.
_____ I watch too much television.

Body, Mind, and Spirit
_____ I eat food that’s not good for me.
_____ Something about my physical appearance bothers me.
_____ It’s been too long since I’ve been to the dentist.
_____ I do not get the sleep I need to feel fully rested.
_____ I’d like to exercise regularly but never seem to find the time.
_____ I have a health concern for which I’ve avoided getting help.
_____ I have emotional needs that consistently go unmet.
_____ There are books that I’d like to read but never seem to find time for.
_____ I lack personal interests that are intellectually stimulating.
_____ I lack a spiritual or religious practice in my life.

Work
_____ I no longer enjoy my job and have a hard time showing up each day.
_____ My work is stressful and leaves me exhausted at the end of the day.
_____ My office is disorganized, my desk is a mess, and I have trouble finding what I need.
_____ I’m avoiding a confrontation or conflict at work.
_____ I tolerate bad behavior from a boss or coworker.
_____ I am not computer literate, and it gets in the way of my productivity.
_____ I lack the proper office equipment that I need to do my job well.
_____ My work does not allow me to express my creativity.
_____ I know I need to delegate specific tasks but am unable to let go of control.
_____ I feel overwhelmed with the amount of information that enters my life in the form of mail, books, magazines, and e-mail.

Money
_____ I have tax returns that are not filed or taxes that are not paid.
_____ I pay my bills late.
_____ I spend more than I earn.
_____ I don’t have a plan for my financial future.
_____ My credit rating is not what I’d like it to be.
_____ I do not have a regular savings plan.
_____ I do not have adequate insurance coverage.
_____ My mortgage rate is high and I need to refinance.
_____ I have debt that needs to be paid off.
_____ My will is not up to date.

What’s Fueling You?
(There are 100 points available. Add 2 points for each item checked to arrive at total.)

Relationships
_____ I enjoy the company of special friends.
_____ I share my life with a soul mate.
_____ I have a blood family or chosen family with whom I feel close.
_____ I get immense pleasure from spending time with children.
_____ I have a pet that brings me joy and provides me with unconditional love.
_____ I spend time with people who make me laugh.
_____ I am part of a loving and supportive community.
_____ I have relationships that stimulate me intellectually.
_____ I have people I can turn to in times of need.
_____ I have relationships where I feel intimately connected to others.

Environment
_____ I have a special “soul nurturing” place in my home for me.
_____ I listen to my favorite music regularly.
_____ I love my sense of style and feel good in the clothes I wear.
_____ I’ve let go of all the “stuff” I no longer need.
_____ I keep fresh flowers in my home and office.
_____ My home is neat, clean, and well organized.
_____ I create beauty around me.
_____ I love the neighborhood I live in.
_____ My bedroom is the perfect place to get a good night’s sleep.
_____ I have at least one room with a beautiful view that I enjoy.

Body, Mind, and Spirit
_____ I exercise regularly.
_____ I have eliminated caffeine from my diet.
_____ I have a way to relax that eliminates stress and keeps me feeling centered.
_____ I eat healthy and nutritious foods.
_____ I care for my body with regular healthcare checkups and bodywork appointments.
_____ Each day I read something inspirational to keep my attitude positive.
_____ I have a spiritual practice that connects me with my Wise Self.
_____ I feel a strong connection to a power greater than myself.
_____ I set aside regular time for solitude and silence.
_____ I have a safe and healthy outlet for my emotional well-being.

Work
_____ I enjoy my work.
_____ My commute is stress free.
_____ I have a mentor who guides and encourages me.
_____ I always take lunch breaks.
_____ I have colleagues who inspire and respect me.
_____ I take mental health days when I need them.
_____ I feel energized at the end of most work days.
_____ My office is a beautiful space that’s well organized and free from distraction.
_____ My work contributes to a larger vision that I have for my life.
_____ My ideas and talents are welcome at work.

Money
_____ I always carry enough cash with me.
_____ I have a system to keep my finances in order, and I know where my money goes.
_____ I am fullyhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif insured and protected.
_____ I save money consistently.
_____ My taxes are paid and up to date.
_____ I’ve made smart investments that earn me top dollar.
_____ I enjoy being generous and easily share my wealth.
_____ I pay myself first.
_____ I spend my money on things that I love.
_____ I pay my credit cards in full each month.


From Take Time from Your Life
By Cheryl Richardson

Have you tried this?

I'm out of school for the year and thinking more completely about my other couple of jobs. As a part of the coaching component for my PCA jobs, I'm required to identify my personal life vision. The following assignment is one I have to have to complete by mid-August. However, I have NO idea how to approach this. Not a clue.

Creating a Life Vision

1. Health and Wellness
2. Spiritual Growth
3. Play and Recreation
4. Personal Growth
5. Career
6. Community
7. Relationships
8. Financial
9. Physical Environment

If I could have anything I want in each of these nine areas, what would I want and what would my life look like?

If a genie appeared and granted me three wishes, what would I ask for?

Consider your list. What would you like to do with it? What would be the best first step you could take with the list as a whole or in one of the areas that would launch you toward what you want?

Write reflectively.


Any ideas? I've been so focused on others lately, maybe it will do me some good to focus on myself. But this, like anything else, takes practice! Help!

The Day From You-Know-Where

Oh jeez. I knew I never should have gotten out of bed. From the interview at the staffing agency to the general feeling of being out of place all day, I knew I probably would have been better off just staying in bed. Or maybe I should take a more positive approach and say you learn something every single moment you are alive. It just hasn't presented itself yet today. I'm just glad that today IS OVER!!! Which puts me one day closer to the Sex and the City Movie night. I'm so excited. It's actually the the sole item getting me through the week. Go girliness!!!

Miss Potter

I just watched this this weekend and realized that I AM Miss Beatrix Potter. And I love her. The woman didn't marry until she was over 36. She lived at home for most of her single life and dedicated herself to her work, which included writing and illustrating her children's book series. Her characters were her friends, and she was proud of them. She told herself and her fans that she would never marry, and when she did decide to, the love of her life found her by accident, as a business proposition. She was forbidden to marry him until she spent a summer away to make sure she truly wanted to marry "below her class." When the love of her life DIED that summer, she swore to herself and her parents from then on that she would do only what she desired to do and she moved out with her book profits. That's my kind of girl. She did find love again, but only after finding herself and dedicating her life to the conservation of farm land. She was a true inspiration to females everywhere!

My adventures in acting

I’ve heard it said that an acting teacher knows what part is right the moment she meets you. Which is why I was a little afraid when my acting for beginners teacher chose a monologue delivered by a manic-depressive character trying to impress a blind date for me to work on for the entire length of the class. Don’t over think this. Don’t think about this at all. Still, I can’t help but think because that is what I do. Do I seem manic? That is the exact line that Jasmine delivered at the beginning of her date, the line that the class told me I delivered so well. At the risk of seeming crazy, I’m going to answer my own question, in a word: sometimes. It’s been hard not to see parallels between me and my precious character Jasmine from Sweethearts, and that’s exactly what one wants, right? Of course right.



Never having been on an actual date, I always end up picturing what my first will be and if it will be anything like Jasmine’s Jasmine is nervous, really. That’s what it all boils down to. She’s so nervous having just come out of the psychiatric wing of a very different VA hospital, she talks to fill space. And in the end ends up convincing her date, and herself that she’s not actually ready to date, let a lone have an actual relationship. I feel sorry for her actually, and it’s hard not to turn that pity on myself.


But really, I’m curious as to why this woman, acting teacher, a woman I’ve known all of under 30 minutes, chose me for this role. True, I was the only single woman under 30 in the class. True, I probably seemed more than anxious on our first day of class when I had to introduce myself. But manic? Not a far cry. She probably thought.


“Do you smoke?” she asked curiously.
“No.” I said firmly. A lot of things I might have been, but a smoker I definitely was not.
“This will be perfect!” She exclaimed as she took a piece of paper from her notebook and handed it to me.
I read the first line to myself.
“Do you have light?”


You’ve got to be kidding me.



Stay tuned. You'll get updates eventually.

Every now and again I come across a PostSecret postcard...

...that couldn't have said it better.

And neither could the note below the card. Genius.

"Sent: Sunday, February 24, 2008 10:52 AM
Subject: To the teacher

Our children are our lives and we're in your classroom because we know how little some of you really care about them and about us. Our little secret? We don't trust you with our children unless we're keeping an eye on you."