What are you holding onto? That part of you is dead. (An Echoes of Recovery Post)

As we drove down my neighborhood street on a recent Sunday morning, I noticed a tree that still had all of its leaves on it. Sheri said it was a Japanese Maple. I don't know, but it sure looked silly with all of those brown, lifeless leaves in the middle of January. I said out loud to the tree, "What are you holding onto? That part of you is dead."

How would you answer that question? Please write about it.

What am I holding on to? 

I am holding on to

A lot of things 

I am holding on to 

My youth 

It's easy to say I'm holding on the part of me that wants everything to be OK 

I'm holding on to 

You 

I am holding on to the ability to tell myself that everything will be OK. 

I am holding on to me. 

I am holding on to my sanity. 

I am holding on to my serenity. 

I am holding on to my ability to cope 

With everything. 

I am holding on to the idea that life is the same as it was before we met 

I am holding on to the idea that we will be able to travel freely again 

I am holding on to the idea that people will be allowed to be themselves. 

I am holding on to the idea that if I didn't want to be a woman anymore, I could be any gender I wanted to be. 

I am holding on to the idea that the next generation will be alright. 

I am holding on to a lot of ideas. 

Oy. 

I am holding on to the space where Ariana Grande can play the good witch AND have tattoos. 

I am holding on to the idea where my voice means the same as an immigrant 17 year old's and we are both safe. 

I am holding on to the space where I am able to tell my alcoholic but not recovered partner everything and have him tell me everything will be OK. 

I am holding on to the idea that I have a voice. 

I am holding onto the idea that I MATTER. 

I am holding onto hope. 

I know hope is dead. 

I know January is a long month. I am holding on to January. 

I am holding space for my newly arrived to the country students. 

I am even holding space for the loud-mouthed Brazilian teenagers that just love life and hate reading. Even if they told me to day that non-binary people don't exist. They are young and uneducated. 

I am holding on to the space and idea that the education system works for everyone in this country. I know it does not. 

It doesn't even work for me and I am the teacher. 

I am holding on to the idea that Pigma Micron pens make me feel better about life. 

I am holding on to the idea that journaling is theraputic. 

I am holding on to the idea that I can make a difference even though I've been told I don't. 

I've been holding on to the idea that I can have a relationship where I am heard. 

I have been holding on to the idea where I can have a relationship where I am seen and felt deeply and emotionally. 

I am fool for holding on to this idea. 

That part of me is definitely dead. 

https://750words.com/stats/RockstarTeacher2024/cJB-0cTrM1Wfep3c5yje

Difficult Conversations: An Echoes of Recovery Post and Brainstorming

Please think about a conversation you are dreading. Please write two scripts for how the conversation might go. One of the scripts should be your best case scenario where the person with whom you are communicating is a good listener, maintains emotional safety, and offers the feedback you are hoping to receive. The other script should be the worst case scenario.

Remember, you can't control another human's reaction, but you can control how you respond to their reaction.

The conversation does not need to be with your alcoholic partner, but it can be. It can even be a conversation with a previous alcoholic partner with whom you no longer communicate. It can just as effectively be a conversation with a different family member, a coworker, a neighbor, etc. The "who" is not the point. Preparing for a challenging conversation from all angles is the idea here. Maybe preparation will bring you a step closer to feeling ready to initiate the conversation.

Ideas for conversations: 

1. Are you aware you were taking advantage of me financially for 7+ years? 

2. Are you in true emotional sobriety? 

3. Why do I feel like an adolescent around you? 

4. Did you truly gaslight me into teaching in the states 7 years ago? 

5. Are we ever going to to be able to travel again? 

6. Why do I feel like you run every show?