Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Social anxiety and work

Yes, this is going to be another one of THESE posts. Bear with me because I just have to rant a little bit. I am always amazed at myself when I get so worked up over little things at work. I am such a people-pleaser it isn't even funny. But this is just crazy. I'm 30 years old. This has to stop. Recently, I signed up for a nursing assistant class. This class runs Monday-Friday 5-10pm. But I'm done in a month and I take the state test and I'm licensed to work in a hospital, home health care, group home, long-term care facility, or nursing home setting. Basically, I did it to raise my chances of getting more regular work while in grad school. I have learned that I really like working in health care settings and this is what I ultimately would love to be doing as speech therapist later in life. I'm done with the school setting for good, I think. This is where I need to be going. I need to be working more than every other weekend for the rest of my life, or even for the rest of the year. So I signed up for this class mid-June and gave my notice at work. Trouble is, I had already agreed to fill in for our lead who is taking a vacation for four days mid-July. I had to tell her I couldn't do that. And I had to tell my other weekend co-worker that I couldn't do Fridays. All of this required a simple explanation, but this process was so hard for me to finally do. I don't know why, but it was. I was so worried of what my co-workers would think of me, what they would say about me, and that they would think that I was just a flake. But I know now that all of that is untrue. Not because they told me, but because I know that it's not true. I am simply doing what I have to do to get ahead in my chosen path. If it inconveniences someone, they might be a little angry, but they will get over it. And it's not like I didn't give enough notice either. I gave my manager two whole weeks to find a replacement for the shifts I said I'd take. I guess I'm writing this to say that I really need to stop giving myself undue stress for things I don't need it for. I need to start putting that mental energy elsewhere. All of this time I could have been working on my grad school essays, stuff for my coursework currently, was wasted in time spent obsessing of this current silly little situation. This anxiety thing needs to end and it needs to end now. I had to put my social anxiety group therapy sessions on hold while I do the CNA class this month, but you better believe I'm going back the moment I get a chance in August. On another note, the CNA class is going well. The book work is really easy, factual information like vital signs and procedures to memorize. There are skills that need to be practiced, like using a bed pan and cleaning a catheter, but they will come later. I'm happy with where my life is moving. I would ultimately like to make enough not to live in my parents' home, but that will come later too. I'm looking forward to going to canoeing or tubing this weekend during the hours I'm not working. I'm starting to resent working weekends now because I'm gaining more of a friend base here in Atlanta and it's starting to cut into social time. But I guess it will have to do for now, until I can find a real life nursing assistant job in a hospital during the week and such.
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