7 minute prompt

The term, "recovery," is a little misleading, I think. Recovery insinuates that we are going back to status from the past (like when you recover the data from a hard drive). The fact is that anyone who successfully recovers from the alcoholism of a loved one is a new and different version of themself. Who would want to go back to being that person who was susceptible to gaslighting, denials, and manipulation? We want to move forward.

Please write about a story from your recent past that shows where you are going moving forward. Maybe you had a positive interaction with someone. Maybe you were calm in a situation that previously activated your nervous system. Maybe you pursued something with a sense of determination not previously available. Maybe your story goes in a different direction entirely. Please tell us a story that points you in a certain direction for the future.

While I agree with the idea that recovery is misleading, that we have to move forward to discover who we are, I think recovery is sometimes an appropriate term because we do have to look to the past to correct the mistakes an painful instances in order to move forward. 

While I'd like to believe that we are not living in the past, we have to try actively and assertively NOT to live in the past, I am a new and different person everyday. How am I a new and different person everyday? 

I'm not sure. But I do know that last weekend, one weekend I had free, I chose to drive to Chattanooga BY MYSELF so I didn't have to sit and do nothing in the house with a partner that chooses to be miserable. While I was pretty miserable Friday, I can accept that he is NOT doing the work while I am. As frustrated as that makes me, I do have to believe that I can not change him. Only he decides that he gets to do the work. And if it's been two years and he's still choosing to be miserable, I have do something with that information. If it's leave town and protect my emotional safety for the weekend, that is what I will do. 

Some will say I'm avoiding the truth. Some will say I'm procrastinating. I did end up calling a lawyer "just in case" last weekend. I haven't done anything with that information besides just let it sit with me, but I guess I'm at piece with the knowledge that I did it. 

Another way I have move forward is that I know now everything that comes out of his mouth may be a form of manipulating me into doing what he wants to do. And while I don't have any control over that, I don't have to blindly follow that shit show. I can walk away. While I know that standing up to it and calling it out will only end in him projecting back at me, I know I can walk away at any time. 

And I know that specificity makes writing better, but for now I'm going to leave things vague. I think I've grown forward by knowing that I don't have to act right away. That I can sit with things and let them stew. That I can move at my own pace. I do reach out for help with safe people. That there is no such thing as perfect though I don't always practice but always come around to realizing. We are all works in progress.