Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I *heart* Julia Sugarbaker (and the rest of the Designing Women cast)

Found this on Facebook/NPR today and thought it was funny. Here's the link and my rant.


I would rather spend two hours sharing SPINACH DIP with TONYA HARDING than watch a woman who apparently purchased her intellect at VALUE VILLAGE for $4.82, chase twenty-five men with biceps made of TIN, and heads packed with COCOA PUFFS.

Because when future generations look upon what we have left for them, which may by then be little more than THE AMAZON DEFORESTATION and millions of non-biodegradable IPODSs, I fear they will conclude that they would have welcomed bread and circuses if only they had realized the alternative was BUGLES and JON AND KATE PLUS 8.

[sits down and crosses arms, but then immediately stands back up]

And let me tell you a little something about romance: Handing out roses like you are a mascot throwing BUTTERFINGERS to the assembled hooligans at a TWINS GAME is not my idea of romance. Romance is a man who knows the difference between JOHN KENNEDY and JOHN LENNON and who is capable of putting on a PASHMINA without scratching his head as if he is connecting a POWER CORD without the instruction manual.

So do not ask yourself why I do not particularly enjoy a television show where the assembled male candidates represent romantic prospects inferior to the workers on the night shift at the SUBWAY in BIRMINGHAM ALABAMA. Ask yourself whether, after a lifetime playing with a cultural POKEMON and dancing on the grave of ANNE SHIRLEY, you will ever...recover...your dignity.

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