Friday, October 10, 2014
I am posting this from Dallas-Fort Worth airport (yay free wi-fi! seriously Atlanta, get with the program!) and I have had quite an eventful trip so far. I left Atlanta at noon and boarded my flight, no problems. Standing in the jetway, I noticed quite a vivacious young lady who happened to be an Alabama fan. She was standing behind me as I was waiting to board and another woman, in front of me, was wearing a ROLL TIDE t-shirt. All of a sudden I feel someone brushing up against me, and see her dyed blonde hair (she needed a root-treatment badly) and she appears in front of me to scream ROLL TIDE to the woman in front of me. Fair enough. She's spirited, she had a few pre-flight drinks at noon, and she's ready to roll. I continue to board my flight and find my seat. Turns out I am sitting next to the woman I met in the airport and guess who is in front of me? That' right. ALABAMA GIRL! I make my pre-flight small talk and take my seat in the aisle seat of my assigned row. Win for me in the aisle! As soon as I sit down I instantly dread what I'm going to face for the whole flight. I hear Alabama girl chattering about to the rather cute red-head man across the aisle from her. Oh no, I think, this is going to go on ALL FLIGHT. About five minutes in he reveals he is married and I *thought* that was the end of it. Then she continues to run her mouth at above average volume. I think to myself thank god I'm not sitting in his seat and search frantically for my headphones for 5 minutes before I realize I left them in my checked luggage. Damn it. The guy diagonally across from me is taking her like a champ. She is spilling her life story to him, and I can tell he doesn't really want to be the object of her affection but doesn't want to be rude either. At this point I have learned (I'm trying not to be nosy but who can help it?) that she is on her way to Dallas for her mother's wedding. She is 24 and she is dating someone for three months that is meeting her there to be her date for the wedding. Her father was in the military, she went to Alabama and majored in Accounting and works 30 minutes from her home in Atlanta. The plane takes off and I proceed to take out my book. I try to focus on my book, but she is too loud. The beverage cart comes around and she discusses her party lifestyle with the gentleman across from her. She worked as a bartender in college. Her ex broke up with via text on her 12-hour bar tending shift. She seems to be looking forward to the wedding and having fun with her mom this weekend. She orders a jack and coke as the cart passes. He orders a bud light. She orders another rum and coke. And another. She's talking louder and louder. I'm actually enjoying myself. For a while. Then she starts taking selfies with the dude across the aisle from her. The woman next to me smiles at me and we start laughing out loud. She is oblivious. She orders another beer. As we are approaching our destination and the plane starts its dissent into DFW, She begins to curse at the flight attendants when they won't serve her more liquor. She starts professing her love for the man across the aisle. I give him a sympathetic smile and glance. She gets up and moves to the back of the plane. She comes back and angrily sits back down in her seat. She drops her phone four times in a row. Everyone is staring and thinking awkward thoughts. She passes out on the woman sitting next to her's shoulder. Better her than me. Then she starts cursing her mother. It's all her fault she's drunk. At this point we are worried for her. If she doesn't have anyone meeting her at the gate, she's never going to make it out of the airport. But it's not our problem. Someone in front of her snickers and she curses them. The flight attendants come over and tell her to settle down. She curses them too. I'm praying they aren't going to have to land the plane in an emergency, sedate her, and get her off the plane right then and there, but they ignore her. As we get closer, she begins to protest that it should be time to get off already louder and louder. The man across from me is a champ, as she's asked for his number over and over at this point. The woman sitting next to me continues to crack herself up, and I'm laughing looking at her. It was the most entertainment I've had on a flight in a LOOOOONG time. I left the flight thinking, there was no way my next flight was going to be so entertaining. Poor girl though, is all I am thinking now. Everyone is fighting a battle, it makes me realize. She's fighting hers. She will work through whatever it was that was making her act like that, or maybe she won't. It's really not my problem but human behavior like this fascinates me. Found out later she had taken a Xanax pre-flight and was 5 in before the flight and three drinks on the flight. And she was tiny. What was the last good flight story you had?