Need Some Positive Vibes Sent My Way

I've been way too negative as of late. So I've decided to take the "list one thing that made me happy today" approach to life. Because some days, that's just what one has to do to get through the day.

So here's my one thing: After missing her on g-repeatedly for a two-week span, I finally caught Emily online for forty minutes in between English Festival acts today. It felt great to catch up with a good friend after such a long time...and yes, two weeks without chatting is a long time. It's the little things that get you through this crazy Korea life.

And it's sad, but another thing that made me happy today is the fact that after over a month of repeating the same stories and interviews and drama scripts with kids, I can finally chuck it all in the garb-age and put it all behind me. It might have sucked folks, but ENGLISH FESTIVAL is FINALLY OVER. Maybe now I'll be in a better mood at work. Kids did well, and it's nice to step back and see the whole picture once in a while. I did catch myself thinking at one point, yes, these songs suck, but it's really awesome that kids this age have access to doing all of this in a second language, and felt a little proud to be a part of it.

I guess I have nothing else to say, just that I like to ramble, and I'm going to sign off before I do too much more of it. So much for blogging about things that matter.

Oh, and I did find a home for the rabbit I was fostering for most of my time in Korea. He went to a nice girl who has always wanted to own a rabbit and just moved to Korea. She seemed really eager to take him and I'm relieved I don't have to panic when my contract does end to find a home for him last minute. I loved owning the rabbit, but hated cleaning up after it, and of course, my situation is less than permanent. Maybe one day I'll actually live my dream of owning a few cats. Gosh I'm so old...LOL. Signing off. Leave comments.

American Limbo? I think so.

This American Life recently did a show about people in limbo. Ira Glass cited the original meaning of the term as the state of not knowing whether someone was going to heaven or hell. It was a show that everyone really should listen to at one time or another, and I believe that so much that a embedded it on my blog a few posts ago. It got me thinking (and that's never a good thing). Just how many people out there are in a perpetual state of limbo? I know I have been, am, and probably always will be.

Living in Korea, is a huge LIMBO move for me. Not knowing if I'd have a job in America next year, I moved to the other side of the world. I moved here, and I feel that I don't belong in a lot of ways, like I am living a huge lie. Is this what limbo really is? It's so surreal. What is life supposed to be like? Certainly not like this. Everyone I have talked to feels the same way about this place, like they are buying time between two places.

For some it's graduate school.
For others it's marriage, or a stronger relationship upon return.

At least these people have a goal at the end of this. I don't have anything. I'm floating. Is this what LIMBO feels like? Is everyone so mixed up? I don't want to do the graduate school thing and I definitely don't want to do the marriage thing anytime soon. I do know that I just want to keep exploring, but at what point does a wanderer become a sad, pathetic soul with no direction? There's a fine line when one walks the LIMBO line. I don't even know if I want to continue on my chosen career path when I return. I keep emailing people that can say they help me with renewing my certification in Minnesota for teaching reading, but am getting no definitive answers until I submit transcripts, so I just wait.

To those that have gotten out of their LIMBO state (if there are those), how did you do it and what advice do you have for those still there. Does it ever end? Or do we just muster through and do the best we can with what we have? I need some philosophical answers here.

College was also a huge limbo period. They say (who are THEY, anyway?) that college is supposed to be the best time of your life; it's the time when you really know who you are. Did anyone feel this way in college? Speak up now and comment if you really knew who you were in college, because all I knew about college when I was there is that I wanted out. Four years of HELL.

Every teaching position I've ever had has been a LIMBO in every way. My professional years since college have been lived by the year, buying time until something better comes along. I envy people who are happy with jobs for 5 and 10 years at a time. It's not like I'm all that flaky, either. I would love to stay in one place for more than one year, but nothing has ever felt quite right. I can't help but start to take it personally now. "We're sorry, you're a great person, but we have to let you go." EVERY. DAMN. YEAR. This is what people do. This is what companies, school districts, and nonprofits do. It's not personal, it's business. Numbers games, bottom lines. There's always some excuse. But deep inside, maybe it is me. I'm just not a fit for the world.

Other LIMBOS in my life?

--AmeriCorps*NCCC (where everyone was in the same position -- I think the TL's words for this was "this organization is a cesspool for mental illness" or "why do you think they keep a counselor on staff?")

--Minnesota (great people, bad weather)

--Girl Scout Camp (four summers of crazy)

--Mail + More (retail hell post college)

Just to name a few. I'm sure I could go on, but I've already done that too much thus far. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. As a therapist once told me, I can go from 0 to 100 in rocket speed. That's probably what this post just did. I have a few things to ask.

Do we ever really get out of limbo?
Are we ever truly happy?

At what point do we have to stop searching and just be happy with what we have?

Comments welcome.

In other news...

I took someone's advice and I marched my butt down to the school district's main office. (I was actually in the area after my first interview today, but that's another story all together.) I thought I would take a positive step in my job search process. I explained that yes, I just received my layoff letter on September 11. (I had been laid off since June, and I was a little confused over this too.) I thought that this might be a factor affecting my application and not getting called from schools, so I thought by going to Human Resources it would straighten things out. I was very polite, even though I felt like a dragon. My dragon head did not get reared, at least not today. I explained what location I worked, when I was excess-ed, and what I'm looking for. They said that it wouldn't affect my applications, but schools now have upwards of 200 qualified applicants that they are looking at for hiring. No wonder it's taking so long. So how do I make myself look different than 200 other people? I walked out of there with a list of schools and promptly began calling the schools I had applied for. One school told me that "they didn't know when they would begin their hiring process." What? It's September. Another school told me that "they had already filled the position, and had had it filled since June." Then why did you post it? I know this kind of things happen all the time in the job search process, but it frustrates me to no end. It's the sheer number of factors that add up to what seems to be a losing situation for the job seeker. I guess I just needed to rant, but I have to stay positive. I am a qualified individual with 5 years in the educational arena. I have a clear view of how schools operate and what my role in them should be. I should be able to communicate this to future employers, but not with this nonsense. Hiring processes are slow, I just didn't anticipate them being THIS slow. That's all.

Three song picks of the day

For some reason or another, I have three songs stuck in my head, on repeat. Share a bit of my world for a minute. No judgment please.

1. Fighter (Christina Aguilera)

Yes, I realize it's Christina, and pop crap, but it does make me feel a little bit better about life knowing that everything is a test and everything I do will make me that much better.

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

2. Superman, aka Scrubs soundtrack

Two words: Zach Braff. Enough said. Should be an anthem for anyone in the nonprofit/service/helper fields. Seriously.

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

3. Somebody More Like You (Nickel Creek)

Just because I adore a good break up song.

I didn't hear you say you're sorry
The fault must be mine
I wish you all the best of luck
At finding somebody more like you