Sunday, June 28, 2009

Delving into the past, part 100

I realized yesterday that the THIRD anniversary of SILVER 7 AmeriCorps*NCCC Class XIII is quickly approaching, and to honor that I got out my journal from July 2006 and began looking at all the entries from that first week on campus. Oh how far I've come as a human being at the mere age of 27. (I was only 24 then, after all!) But seriously. It's my own cringe series, thanks Tigi. Enjoy!

This entry is from a journal I started on July 11, 2006, my beginning of my AmeriCorps*NCCC adventure. The idea in reliving it is to look at old patterns of anxiety, depression, and panic attacks (since this program is where I learned of my struggle with all three) and to see how far I've come since then and determine where I need to go from there.

11:05 pm

I'm here. Nothing very exciting yet though apparently I'm so tired I can't even get the right endings on my verbs. (I crossed off exited before writing exciting.) My room looks like college part II, though I think these rooms are in slightly worse condition than Creswell Hall's if that's at all possible. Ha! My roommate hasn't actually shown up yet, so for tonight I have the room entirely to myself. Which is nice. I had a nice time unpacking and fixing things while listening to music on my mp3 player. Its sort of like summer camp. I met my team leader, and she seems sweet and smart. A bit on the energetic side, but I guess that's what one wants in a team leader. My feet HURT from the day. I wore my cheap flats with my skirt, and they absolutely tore my feet apart entirely, so for the first couple of hours I'm here I was kinda glazed over.

I'm also trying to remember to take this experience ONE day at a time and not get ahead of myself or worry about events too far in advance. I introduced myself to my team today as OCD and organized. And then later in the meeting someone asked for the address and I just shot it out. Some guy on the team said "we're giving everything to her to remember from now on." (Or something to that effect, which made me feel good that my neurotic tendencies might actually be put to good use and appreciated here. Maybe.

Flight here was delayed, so we didn't actually get here until 6:30ish, giving us enough time to throw luggage in room and grab a PB&J for dinner and get on to meetings. Met several nice folks at the airport, but I haven't actually seen them since stepping off the van. Tomorrow's a long day of intro stuff, and I'm really tired and would like to read my magazine before drifting off to sleep, so I think I will sign off and revisit feelings tomorrow, whenever. (I'm loving this new journal, it actually has lines!) And while I am aware that I still have some of my sketchbook to finish off, I'll be doing most of my WRITING writing in here for obvious reasons. I maybe flipping back and forth between the two out of guilt and a OCD need to finish one journal before starting another.

Is it too soon to tell if I'm the loner yet? I have such loner tendencies, I don't want them, but I fear I'm going to develop them and fall into the same patterns I'm used to. Must remember to take life one day at a time. Indeed. Signing off for the night! Good night! :)

Is that not the most pathetic piece of writing you've ever read?
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