Dating adventures

It seems as though I have been juggling men lately, and am in a place where I hold the power to say “you are the weakest link. goodbye.” I’ve never been in that place before, so it’s a good feeling. Still, I’m not quite sure I like it. Who am I to cast off anyone I don’t deem fit to date me? I mean, we are all human. It’s such a shitty feeling to be rejected, and I hate when its done to me, so naturally I would hate doing it others. But the man I rejected yesterday (via text because he REFUSED to pick up the phone) was just not worth my time. If you are on a dating site people, be ready to date and not waste my time. Don’t say you are game to meet at 3pm when you have to work until 2pm.

You’ve lived in Atlanta for 7 years, you know how the traffic patterns are. Don’t call me at 3:30 saying traffic is awful. I don’t tolerate that shit. I deserve better. Don’t call with your windows open and sore throat so I can’t understand a word you are saying. And don’t get pissed when I cancel because I have to be somewhere else at 7pm. You said you’d be there at 3 and were 45 minutes late without a word until the 30-minute mark. I have the right to not give you a second chance. Dating is the one realm of life where you can fire someone for being them, after all.

Another UU song I intentify with, surprise surprise!

It seems I discover a new song I enjoy and that tells my story every time I attend a service at UUCA. This song is particularly powerful in describing my feelings around Christmas. Being raised UU and Athiest/Jewish  I don't particularly attach a single feeling to Christmas, and there are always a lot of expectations surrounding my feelings or how I should feel. As I get older, I find that these feelings diminish and I feel guitly for diminishing feelings. But being that this woman was raised UU, she seems to sum that up perfectly. Beautiful. Our choir director performed this solo during the offeratory at church and the entire congregation was in tears or goosebumps. Pretty powerful stuff.

Smell of the wood stove.
The weather's turned colder.
I stand in my old room.
It feels much the same.

I come here each year, though
I'm feeling much older.
The established routine
points to how things have changed.

Tell me, where is the old tree? They cut it down, I hear.
Tell me, where is the young girl? Gone for good, I fear.
Still we hold up our candles to the heavens and cheer.
It's glimmering, golden,
The same year to year
The candles, they glow in the chandelier.

We shoulder our burdens.
We sing all the carols.
We fall into old patterns.
We dig up old pains.

Still we try to preserve it,
the perfect illusion
in the hope that in the new year
we can turn a new page.

'Cause it won't last forever,
that much is clear.
It's an ever-shifting landscape,
this family we hold dear.
So we raise up our candles to the ones who aren't here.
It's glimmering, golden.
See them, my dear?
See how they shine from the chandelier....

We set the table
We drink all the eggnog
and we spin all the old songs
though the record is frayed.

We crowd around Grandpa
as he reads the stories,
though the grandkids are grown now
and are getting engaged.

Still we know it's the good life!
We laugh and we cheer
and we sing "holy holy" at the darkest time of year.
When we burn like the candles, for a moment it's real:
The world, it is golden,
sparkling and clear
like the world we behold in the chandelier,
the world we behold in the chandelier.

credits

from The Chandelier, track released 29 November 2011
Photo: Karen Wiles
Mixing: Jeff Rolka
Mastering: Todd Herfindal

Good for a Monday!

Blue Boat Home: My Favorite UU Hymn

Blue Boat Home

Though below me I feel no motion
Standing on these mountains and plains
Far away from the rolling ocean
Still my dry land heart can say
I’ve been sailing all my life now
Never harbor nor port have I known
The wide universe is the ocean I travel
And the Earth is my blue boat home

Sun, my sail and moon, my rudder
As I ply the starry sea
Leaning over the edge in wonder
Casting questions into the deep
Drifting here with my ship’s companions
All we kindred pilgrim souls
 

Making our way by the lights of the heavens
In our beautiful blue boat home

I give thanks to the waves upholding me
Hail the great winds urging me on
Greet the infinite sea before me
Sing the sky my sailor’s song
 

I was born upon the fathoms
Never harbor or port have I known
The wide universe is the ocean I travel
And the Earth is my blue boat home
The wide universe is the ocean I travel
And the Earth is my blue boat home

I think I like this and identify with it so much because I have never really considered any place I’ve lived home. I am a traveler, and I do consider the earth my home. I don’t have a port, although Atlanta is where I currently reside, I still want to see so much of the world and do just see the world as my palace and resting point. There is still so much I want to see! I love this song. Listen to the lyrics while you read them, and you will gain so much more of the meaning, I promise.

Interesting Day

In attempt to be a little more open about my life, my dating world, and who I am, I will post the following:

Went to my “church” for service and social hour. I use the word church loosely. I love this congregation and all it stands for simply because it’s a non-churchy church that lets me believe what I WANT TO BELIEVE about God and/or His/Her existence. I love the people and their attitudes too. Always this overwhelming sense of positivity throughout the congregation. Can’t wait to sing for the Christmas pageant and generally do happy things with music. I also discovered a new hymn which I absolutely love and will post about in a later post.


After church I made a Target run, whipped up a bunch of Christmas crack chex mix for game night at same church, talked to one of my OKCupid matches on the phone (a first for us, as we’d previously been texting and it was the first actual voice-on-voice contact) and we were both very shy about the whole experience but warmed up fast and had a great conversation for 45 minutes before I had to meet another OKCupid match for coffee and conversation. The second match “date” was more of a conversation date, and we mostly talked about food in America and how bad it is for you and how the food industry in America is corrupt. He works at Whole Foods, has a Master’s degree in Accounting from DeVry and is originally from Morocco with a thick accent and a sore throat today. He lectured me on the health benefits of loose tea and why Whole Foods is a great company to work for. Two facts of which were previously known to me. Still, not writing him off yet, just not a lot of chemistry there initially. Way more chemistry with phone dude, as he’s been texting me all night.


Went to game night with the UUs and as always, had a fabulous time. These are MY people, from what I discovered over the past few months. I learned a complicated game with trains and learned that I’m bad at it, but had a good time anyway.


Also learned that every single UU is apparently on OKCupid, and took someone home and got roped into picking up her friend’s drunk boyfriend in Virgina Highlands. Reinforced the fact that I really need to practice saying no to people.


Didn’t get home until way after 10pm, and talked with someone else on OKCupid who I consider to be a good friend at best, as he will never make a long term partner due to his belief that Jesus Christ will save my soul. But he’s good to talk to and I enjoy the company of the men on the Internet, apparently.


I sit here and type this, realizing that I take the GRE on Wednesday and I JUST DON’T CARE how I do. It just doesn’t matter anymore. I will get into grad school somewhere, when the time is right. I’d like to not be living at home anymore, and I’d like for the Holidays to be over. I don’t want to go to work and make food for my 89-year-old deaf-as-a-stone client. But such is life. I will continue to muddle on.

It's never too late

My journey

I swear this dating thing has changed my life. I can't tell if it's for the better or for the worse, but it is definitely changing. Sometime I wish I could go back to the days when everything was simple. Clean, and just dating. No sex, no dirty talk, and no complications. I like the feeling of being with someone, just because they like being with me and I like being with them. I like holding hands and cuddling, and just lying next to each other on a couch just because.

But it seem like modern dating is a little different. If you aren't religious, it seems like you are expected to shed your clothes, and do the nastiest of the nasty upon meeting, or you are considered a freak. It seems like you are not a sexual person because you don't want to have intercourse on the third date.

Yes, I think of myself as a sexual person. Yes, I do get turned on and sexually attracted to quite a variety of men. No, I don't want to do it with you right away. And no, that's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean I'm asexual and it doesn't mean I'm not attracted to you. There has to be someone out there that shares my feelings about this, right?

I recently went on a date (at least I think it was a date) with someone I met on a personals website. This man is a few years younger than me and has a physical disability. This is previously a category of men I considered off limits, and I started to see why. Over the course of our discussion over coffee, I began to realize that there was no physical or emotional chemistry there and it wasn't because of his disability. I realize now why I previously excluded the disabled community in my search for a life partner. If I tell this person that I don't have any feelings for him, I am afraid he will automatically qualify this and see it as a personal attack because of his disability.

But there are many reasons not to like someone, and a disability isn't one of them. I can not like someone because of their interests, lifestyle, or choice of clothing. And I can choose not to date them because I don't like these things, not because they have a physical disability. And I am not a bad person because of it. But I feel that this man would be offended if I chose not to see him any more because he would think it's because of a disability, when really, that has nothing at all to do with it.

But I just chose not to get involved with anything. And maybe it means I will have to do the fade away dance pretty soon so no one gets hurt. Haha. Dating is hard enough without a disability, and I get that he's been rejected so many times in the past by shitty people rejecting him for shitty reasons. While I don't want to be lumped in the group with shitty people, I don't wish to bring that kind of baggage into my life either. I want my life to be simple, which I guess is too much to ask. But I can search, right? I don't want his dating baggage to become mine, and I see that happening should I chose to spend more time with him. So there ya go.

So where do I go from here? I've been kind of depressed lately since realizing that  want to part of the non-religious dating scene without the sex. It puts me in a really odd category to date in, and makes the pool of available men even smaller than it previously was. I feel like I should have already done what I haven't and haven't done what I already have. I don't know where to go from here.

I really just want someone to know me. I want to be known. I know I stole that phrase from my last boyfriend, but it fits. He got me on many levels, but he didn't on so many more, and when it comes right down to it, he was really just horny and not willing to listen to my needs before he got his own met. A good friend, at most. Not a good life partner. So the search continues. The search for a compassionate, good, giving, and game partner for me to walk through life with continues. Follow me on my journey.

This is going to be my holiday project

I love puppy chow and haven't made it in a long time, so I think this will be my contribution to every holiday event I am invited to this year! :)

Source: sallysbakingaddiction.com via Babble on Pinterest

Why I hate my job

Superficial afraid of conflict nitwits that call my boss to tell me that they didn't like the way I folded their towels instead of telling me themselves and showing me how they like their towels folded. Oy. I better get a job in a hospital soon. :)

End of November Update

I can not believe how time has flown by this November. Almost 30 days in and I'm almost done with my novel.

I've also completed my Language Sample Project (which was crap and bullshit, but it's done) for that I am thankful.

I have left to take a quiz and do another project with my group and a few more Phonetics transcriptions and then I will be done with coursework for the semester.

December will bring lots of GRE studying and applying to graduate school. And working almost full time.

My pledge to help me make it through December alive is almost complete. And I am exhausted.

Can I go to bed now?

I know I posted Dan Savage last week...

...but this one is so good too! I love him. :)

And everyone should listen to this.

I fell in love with Dan Savage a little bit more after watching this...

...and thinking about a recent experience, a lost relationship, and my awkward self...for all of you late-in-life virgins our there: You need to watch this and take notes....potential partners of late-in-life virgins need to take even more....

GRE Update

Here are just a few of the words that I am studying this month in preparation for the GRE I will be taking on December 19th.

1. Dyspeptic: suffering from indigestion
2. Pusillanimous: cowardly
3. Impervious: impossible to penetrate; incapable of being affected
4. Soporific: causing sleep or lethargy
5. Imperturbable: not capable of being disturbed
6. Viscous: thick and adhesive; like a slow-flowing fluid
7. Eloquent: persuasive and moving, especially in speech
8. Volatile: easily aroused or changeable; lively or explosive
9. Loquacious: talkative
10. Analogous: similar or alike in someway

DIAPHANOUS and OPAQUE are not ANALOGUS in meaning.

11. Ignoble: having low moral standards; not noble in character; mean
12. Furtive: secret; stealthy
13. Obstinate: stubborn; unyielding
14. Unconcionable: unscrupulous; shockingly unfair or unjust
15. Unequivocal: absolute, certain

It was absoultely UNEQUIVOCAL that the man's FURTIVE behavior over the last 2 weeks meant he was engaged in the IGNOBLE  act of cheating on his wife.

Mom thought it UNCONCIONABLE that her toddler was acting so OBSTINATE.

Exactly

Source: thats-so-meme.tumblr.com via Ali on Pinterest

Wonderful.

Source: imgfave.com via Carlee on Pinterest

I am going to try this THIS weekend!

I love Pinterest

And I need to start cooking again. Especially because I need to get serious about South Beach and carb-free living.

Source: curiouscountrycook.blogspot.com via Holly on Pinterest

These look delicious and deliciously guilt free. This weekend. :)

Yup.

Source: imgfave.com via Carlee on Pinterest

Haha. Is this true?

Seems true most of the time. 

Source: via Jane on Pinterest

QLC Music

If you follow me on twitter, you know I've been having a conversation about QLC music. I re-discovered this song and found out that it is my new favorite song of the moment. Awesome song!

Another Pinterest Update

Source: imgfave.com via Mandy on Pinterest

Because they are a lot easier to do than actually writing something, and I do actually believe a lot of what I find here. They are just good reminders of how to live the life I want to live. I've been stressed out lately, a lot having to do with my recent break-up, and a lot having to do with my new job, but mostly I think I just need to start taking better care of myself. I started out yesterday by taking the day off and going to get a massage and doing a Yoga class at the Y. I need that. Boy, did I ever need that. It reminded me that I need to do this more often. Remind myself to breathe and stop doing what's not important and start doing what is important. Self-care. Doing what's right for me and not what's right for someone else, despite my current profession. It's a process. Here's part of my journey.

Thought of the day

Source: cubiclerefugee.tumblr.com via Maggie on Pinterest

End of September? No Shit!

Source: wwwcastlescrownscottages.blogspot.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

And I'm really missing someone tonight. So I'm trying to keep this in mind.

Phonetics hell

Just a little bit about what I'm dealing with this semester, here's an "announcement" that was posted to my online class review board this morning: 

I hope this clears up some confusion about some words on quiz 1... We will discuss them again in the next Live Review  if you want to.

Bring /br8a/  4 sounds

Finger /f8ag5/  5 sounds

Cure /kyu5/  or  /kyur/  4 sounds

When we produce the ‘ng’ sound, our tongue goes to the back of our throat. However, we don’t release our tongue with a hard stop as you would when you say the ‘g’ sound.. Try it yourself.. just the ‘ng’ sound. When you are finished saying the sound, your tongue gradually lowers; it does not allow pressure to build up behind it and then released abruptly as you do when you produce the ‘g’. 

‘bring’ has only the 4 sounds. The word ends with the ‘ng’i sound, and the ‘ng’ is considered only one sound. Try saying ‘ bring’ with an additional ‘g’ sound and listen to yourself. If you say it in a sentence, it’s more obvious that there is no ‘g’. Try saying, ‘Bring me some water.’ with a ‘g’ at the end of the word ‘ bring’… It might sound like an Italian accent, ‘Bring-ga me some water.’  Does this make sense?

‘finger’ does have the ‘g’ next to the ‘ng’ . Therefore, there are 5 sounds in it. The second syllable ‘ger’ starts with the ‘g’ sound. Try saying ‘finger’ without the ‘g’ – /f8a 5/… That doesn’t sound right.

Hope this doesn’t ‘confuse’ you, but ‘singer’ does NOT thave the ‘g’ sound like you would think. It is transcribed as /s8a5/. If you need more ‘proof’, try saying it with a ‘g’ …

‘cure’ has the ‘y’ (as in ‘yes’, ‘yak’, ‘yellow’). I think most people don’t realize this sound is here since you are used to saying ‘u’ as if it’s only one sound.
Remember, when you are talking about the vowel ‘u’, and you say the vowel ‘u’, you are actually producing two sounds, not one. If I say ‘you’, which is how you pronounce this vowel when you are saying its vowel name, you are actually saying two sounds/yu/ in which the ‘j’ is the phonetic symbol for the ‘y’f sound. However, the SOUND of this vowel is only /u/.

*** If you have called or emailed me, or posted a question, have I responded, or has it been answered? If not, please ask me again!!

It is definitely going to be a LOOOOOONG semester! Here's to making it to December alive in one piece! 

Sad, true, and funny! Hate Wal-Mart, but love this.

Source: themetapicture.com via Carlee on Pinterest

Domesticity

I just made a red velvet cake with kick-ass cream cheese frosting for one of my residents' birthdays tomorrow. All before noon. I am pretty damn domestic this morning. Just call me Betty Crocker. Of course, now, I'm covered in powdered sugar. Naturally.

Yup.

Source: rememberyourfirstlove.tumblr.com via Carlee on Pinterest

A Bad Case of the Dates: A Clash of Springs

A Bad Case of the Dates: A Clash of Springs: Story Sent in by Viviana: It was a first date at a bar for Rob and I. We were seated on a long wooden bench that ran the length of a wall....

Scrubs

Lately I've been watching this show a lot on Netflix as sort of a way to calm down after a day, and I think this scene is the cutest ever! I also really like the song: Question by the Old 97s. Thought I'd share it here for my blogger buddies.

Yup.

Source: twitpic.com via Social on Pinterest

Does blogger do this too?

So blogger has started to ignore my formatting as of late, lumping all of my text into one big paragraph, regardless of how I had it formatted here. Is that annoying or what? Does that happen to anyone else? Do I need to to some code or something to keep that from happening. I've actually started using wordpress a bit more, blogging over there, so if this doesn't iron itself out that may be a more permanent solution. Really sucks though because I have been blogging with blogger for over ten years! I would hate to fade out now. But I may just have to because this is getting rediculous! Helps!

Today I accomplished:

1. Cooking three meals a day for four individuals 2. Changing four sets of sheets on four beds 3. Vacuuming house 4. Visiting the humane society and falling in love with some puppies I couldn’t bring home 5. Baked pink lemonade cupcakes for Sunday school snacks tomorrow. P.S. Pink Lemonade cupcakes are gross. 6. Handed peptol bismol to an individual and prayed she didn’t throw up. 7. Got told I remind someone of their mother and secretly chuckled to myself that maybe I am doing things right after all. 8. Went shopping for bread. Forgot petty cash. Went shopping for bread again. LOL. Welcome to my domestic life. I would never do this on my own, its amazing that under $10/hour spurs me into a fit of domesticity. I will wake up, and do it all over tomorrow.

Yes, again.

So even though I think CB is pretty annoying at times and definitely not my favorite SATC character, she has the right idea here. Definitely.

Source: withlovefromkat.com via Kaitlyn on Pinterest

Yes.

Source: beatboxgoesthump.tumblr.com via Cristine on Pinterest

Absolutely.

Can't stop laughing even though it's so dumb!

Source: indulgy.com via Sarah on Pinterest

That's it!

Source: imgfave.com via Beth on Pinterest

A reminder

Source: quote-book.tumblr.com via Laura on Pinterest

I really haven't been saving as much as I should be living at home and all. My piggy bank is not as full as it should be. It should be burping, LOL. Did I really need that dress at Target, not really, but it did make me happy. But will it make me happy in 5 years? Probably not...I don't really know where I am going here, but I guess we can all do a little better with saving and not spending, finding cheaper entertainment and budgeting needs vs. wants. My goal for August. Month by month, day by day. Ha! We'll see how it goes...

I haven't been living up to my title lately

I haven't rambled in quite a while. I haven't gone anywhere. In between the grad school quest and the career quest I forgot to explore. And I hate it. It's making me antsy and I want to go somewhere soon. Tell me where I should go!

Absolutely.

Source: inspiredbycharm.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Scariest damn morning

So I had a pretty scary morning at work. To make a long story short, I got locked in the bathroom. It was 5am. Who thinks to take a cell phone to the bathroom? But the door knob just didn't want to open from the inside, so I had to knock on the resident's room who shares a wall with that bathroom, wake her up, and ask her to open the door from the inside. Fortunately, it opened. But what would have gone down had it not opened? I had a not small panic attack thinking about what would have happened had the door been stuck. My residents don't know how to use the phone, so I don't know how I would have called for help. One more reason why we need a second staff here. Ugh. Rough morning. Definitely writing this up.

I really like this secret from PS this week, so true!

Hey, here are some more for ya!

Makes an Occupied Bed (Client Does Not Need Assistance to Turn) 1. Explain procedure 2. Provide privacy 3. Lower head of bed 4. Client is covered while linens are changed 5. Loosens top linen from the end of the bed 6. Raises side rail on side of bed to which client will move and client moves toward side of raised rail 7. Loosen bottom used linen on working side and move bottom used linen toward center of bed 8. Place and tuck in clean bottom linen or fitted bottom sheet on working side and tucks under client 9. Client moves back onto clean linen 10. Raise side rail and go to other side of bed 11. Remove used bottom linen 12. Pull and tuck in clean bottom linen, finish with bottom sheet free of wrinkles 13. Client is covered with clean top sheet and bath blanket/used top sheet has been removed 14. Change pillowcase 15. Linen is centered and tucked at foot of bed 16. Avoid contact between clothing and used linen 17. Dispose of used linen into soiled linen container and avoid putting linen on floor 18. Call light is within reach 19. Wash hands Measures and Records Blood Pressure 1. Explain procedure 2. Wipe bell/diaphragm and ear pieces with alcohol 3. Position client’s arm with palm up and upper arm is exposed 4. Feel for brachial artery 5. Place blood pressure cuff snugly on client’s upper arm, with sensor/arrow over brachial arty site 6. Earpieces are in ears and bell is over brachial artery site 7. Inflate cuff between 160-180 mm Hg 8. Deflate cuff slowly and note first sound and last sound 9. Call light is within reach 10. Wash hands 11. Record both systolic and diastolic pressures each within plus or minus 8mm of evaluator’s reading Measures and Records Urinary Output 1. Put on clean gloves 2. Pour contents of bedpan into measuring container without spilling or splashing urine outside of container 3. Measure the amount of urine at eye level with container on flat surface 4. Empty contents of measuring container into toilet 5. Rinse measuring container and pour rinse into toilet 6. Rinse bedpan and pour rinse into toilet 7. Remove and dispose of gloves into waste, wash hands 8. Record contents of container within plus or minus 25 ml/cc of evaluator’s reading Performs Passive Range of Motion For One Knee and One Ankle 1. Explains procedure 2. Provide privacy 3. Instruct client to inform nurse aide if pain is experienced during exercise 4. Support leg at knee and ankle while performing range of motion for knee 5. Bend the knee and ten return leg to client’s normal position (extension/flexion) AT LEAST THREE TIMES unless pain is verbalized 6. Support foot and ankle close to the bed while performing range of motion for ankle 7. Push/pull foot toward head (dorsiflexion) and push/pull foot down, toes point down (plantar flexion) AT LEAST THREE TIMES unless pain is verbalized 8. While supporting the limb, moves joints gently, slowly, and smoothly through the range of motion, discontinuing exercise if client verbalizes pain 9. Call light is within reach 10. Wash hands Performs Passive Range of Motion For One Shoulder 1. Explain procedure 2. Provide privacy 3. Instruct client to inform nurse aide if pain is experienced 4. Support client’s arm at elbow and wrist while performing range of motion for shoulder 5. Raise client’s straightened arm from side position upward toward head to ear level and return arm down to side of body AT LEAST THREE TIMES unless pain is verbalized 6. Move client’s straightened arm away from the side of the body to shoulder level and returns to side of body AT LEAST THREE TIMES unless pain is verbalized 7. While supporting the limb, moves joint gently, slowly, and smoothly through the range of motion, discontinuing exercise if client verbalizes pain 8. Call light is within reach 9. Wash hands Positions on Side 1. Explain procedure 2. Provide privacy 3. Lower head of bed 4. Raise side rail on side to which body is to be turned 5. Slowly roll onto side as one unit toward raised side rail 6. Place or adjust pillow under head for support 7. Client is positioned so that client is not lying on arm 8. Support top arm with supportive device 9. Place supportive device between legs with top knee flexed; knee and ankle supported 10. Call light is within reach 11. Wash hands

Nursing Assistant Update

So I've been taking this class, and I have 25 skills to memorize and perform for the test at the end of the month to get my nursing assistant license. I thought I would share a few with you to see if you would like to participate. Pretty boring, general care-procedures, but this is what my life has been for the month of July. Enjoy! Here are the first four: Washes Hands 1. Address client by name 2. Introduce self by name and title 3. Turn water on at sink 4. Apply soap to hands 5. Lather all surfaces of wrists, hands, and fingers. Produce friction for 15 seconds. 6. Clean fingernails by rubbing fingertips against palms of opposite hand. 7. Rinse all surfaces of wrists, hands, and fingers keeping hands lower than the elbows and the fingertips down. 8. Use clean, dry paper towel to dry all surfaces of hands, wrists, and fingers then dispose of paper towel into waste container. 9. Use clean, dry paper towel to turn off faucet then dispose of paper towel into waste container or use knee/foot control to turn off faucet. 10. Do not touch inside of sink at anytime. Applies One Knee-High Elastic Stocking 1. Explain procedure 2. Provide privacy 3. Client is in supine position 4. Turn stocking inside out 5. Place foot of stocking over toes, foot and heel 6. Pull top of stocking over foot, heel and leg 7. Move foot and leg gently and naturally 8. Finish procedure with NO TWISTS OR WRINKLES 9. Call light is within reach 10. Wash hands Assists to Ambulate Using Transfer Belt 1. Explain procedure 2. Ensure client is wearing shoes 3. Bed is at safe level 4. Check and lock bed wheels 5. Client is sitting with feet flat on the floor 6. Apply transfer belt 7. Pre-arrange signal, stand with feet facing client 8. Alert client to begin standing 9. Hands are in upward position on belt while assisting to stand 10. Walk behind and to the side of client while holding on to belt. Walk for 10 feet 11. Assist client to bed and remove transfer belt 12. Call light is within reach 13. Wash hands Assists with Use of Bedpan 1. Explain procedure 2. Provide privacy 3. Lower head of bed 4. Put on clean gloves 5. Place bed pan directly under buttocks after rolling client to his side and placing cloth under him 6. Remove and dispose of gloves in trash, wash hands 7. Raise head of bed 8. Toilet tissue within reach 9. Hand wipe is within reach, instruct client to clean hands 10. Call light is within reach and ask client to signal when finished 11. Put on clean gloves before removing bedpan 12. Lower head of bed down to flat position 13. Avoid overexposure of client 14. Remove, empty, and rinse bedpan and pour rinse into toilet 15. Place bedpan in designated dirty supply area 16. Remove and dispose of gloves into trash, wash hands 17. Call light is within reach, bed in low position

Science nerd post! (I laughed.)

Source: memebase.com via Carlee on Pinterest

This is fun...let's keep looking back!

February 16, 2008 It was a blustery cold afternoon and we gathered at a kind of dive in Northeast Minneapolis. saw just needed to blow off some of the week. The three of us (Dana, Sathiya, and myself) weren’t going to go originally but found ourselves walking in together in a clump. After all, we are AmeriCorps members and we’re clumpers that way. The principal was there and made a crack about my driving before I sat down and I sorta felt self-conscious so when I sat down I made sure to sit as close to Dana as possible. Pretty soon Val walks in and I get temporary moment of panic that calms after she smiles at me. You can tell she feels just as out of place as I do so I feel at ease a little bit. That’s what its like to live with social anxiety. It’s like you live with a bubble around you all the time. With your thoughts surrounding you. “I don’t belong here” “You’re not good enough for these people.” “Go home to where you belong. You don’t deserve this.” Shut up! I scream mentally and then see the other Ms. Peterson walk in. I’m surprised, but again comforted. I didn’t expect to find her here, but she makes me feel at home where ever she finds me, so I am instantly comforted when she sits down immediately across from the three of us. Only until the crew from next door and across the hall sit down on the other side of me. I don’t know what it is about them, but Martha S. and B Kattner have started to make me nervous ever since the great guided reading debate of ’08. Oh man. I also just found out that Danielle got her India trip moved back to September so I may actually get a chance to find a job by then! And move up there! So this is a perfect place to end this journal actually. I’ve made Minneapolis my life for 6 months. Now after six more months of settling in, it will be time to move on to bigger and brighter pastures. New York maybe include din that. Who knows. the world is my oyster and I can do anything. I choose to doe! If teaching is included in that, it is. If it’s not , it’s not, and I’m not going make a huge deal about it. Life is about letting myself have a good time. I’m getting back on my happy pills soon and I will go with the flow. And I’m out of space. Time for a new beginning. That was the end of my first year in Minneapolis and the last journal from AmeriCorps. Turns out I never ended up going to New York, but spent two more years in Minneapolis and flew to Korea to teach for a year there. Life takes ya funny places. I wonder where it will take me next? I wonder where it will take me next?

Positive Sunday

Source: coffeecupsandraybans.tumblr.com via Lynette on Pinterest

I'm looking at Dave's ESL cafe tonight thinking, wow, I should do this again!!!!

Look back to...

November 3, 2006 So I decided to start a new journal as a sort of new beginning. I was almost finished with the purple spiral-bound one, but I was getting tired of it. It was too big to carry with me on a daily basis and the edges were getting ratty and I didn't want to have to worry about it falling apart in Gulfport and all of my memories getting destroyed. Does any else find it a little strange that I just rationalized starting a new journal like I feel like I betrayed or cheated on the old one? I surely need help I feel so insanely guilty for ripping out the last 50 pages or so of my old journal because I was so focused on starting a new one. Probably symbolic of the way I feel right now. My past sits on the shelf and I look forward to beginning new. New project. New journal. New me. Right? Now I feel pretty shitty. Kinda reminds me of the weekend during student teaching (about this time of year actually) where I spent 2 hours crying in front of my supervisor and co-op teacher on Friday and all weekend like I was walking in a haze. Afraid to move. Afraid to go forward. Afraid to speak to people. Walking the streets alone. I remember walking down River Road from the dorms to the stadium on a football Saturday. The streets were lined with tailgaters, fans, all having a great time. And I remember noticing them but not noticing them at the same time. Just kept walking, removed from all of it. Because when you're wound that tight you have no where to go but down I suppose. And that's kind of how I feel this week/weekend. I like this journal better too. It's lines are narrower, bot like 5th grade wide rule I've been writing on. My writing seems neater and more controlled and I like it that way. At least for now. I didn't do anything about that weekend, but I am doing something now. For starters, I went to have a chat with the counselor across the hall from James Foreman's office in 202 on Wednesday. God I didn't want to. It's like giving up and admitting there's something wrong. Shit it was hard. But for some reason I ended up talking for an hour and a half that day. And I couldn't tell you half of what I said but for some reason I feel slightly better knowing that 'm taking steps to have this anxiety thing under control. I can't decide if I like her or not. She's awfully young and rather perky, but I can tell she genuinely cares. I trusted her enough Wed. (or was just plain desperate) to accept a referral to her consulting psychiatrist Dr. Crane to discuss medication options. Which I did today and feel absolutely exhausted from but I did it and ended up with a prescription for Zoloft that I should begin taking on Monday if all goes well. Who would have thought? Me of all people on drugs?!?! SSRIs of all things! Sometimes though I guess one has to admit defeat and ask for a little help. And if that help comes in the form of a pill, I suppose that's what it takes sometimes. I want to get to the point where I'm afraid to talk to half of my team. Hell, I don't want to be afraid of a lot of shit. Small shit. Stupid shit. I'm so tired of dealing with it all. All the time. So it's time to start a new phase in my life. It's called the "Let's help Jennifer think positive" phase. Let's help Jennifer form meaningful, lasting relationships she's not afraid or ashamed to hang onto. Let's not let Jennifer feel embarrassed that Maggie of all people had to haul my ass to Dr. Crane's office today. It's her job, I suppose. Bailing Corps members out of jail and dragging them to the shrink. Wonderful. But I guess I am glad that I went and did it.

Social anxiety and work

Yes, this is going to be another one of THESE posts. Bear with me because I just have to rant a little bit. I am always amazed at myself when I get so worked up over little things at work. I am such a people-pleaser it isn't even funny. But this is just crazy. I'm 30 years old. This has to stop. Recently, I signed up for a nursing assistant class. This class runs Monday-Friday 5-10pm. But I'm done in a month and I take the state test and I'm licensed to work in a hospital, home health care, group home, long-term care facility, or nursing home setting. Basically, I did it to raise my chances of getting more regular work while in grad school. I have learned that I really like working in health care settings and this is what I ultimately would love to be doing as speech therapist later in life. I'm done with the school setting for good, I think. This is where I need to be going. I need to be working more than every other weekend for the rest of my life, or even for the rest of the year. So I signed up for this class mid-June and gave my notice at work. Trouble is, I had already agreed to fill in for our lead who is taking a vacation for four days mid-July. I had to tell her I couldn't do that. And I had to tell my other weekend co-worker that I couldn't do Fridays. All of this required a simple explanation, but this process was so hard for me to finally do. I don't know why, but it was. I was so worried of what my co-workers would think of me, what they would say about me, and that they would think that I was just a flake. But I know now that all of that is untrue. Not because they told me, but because I know that it's not true. I am simply doing what I have to do to get ahead in my chosen path. If it inconveniences someone, they might be a little angry, but they will get over it. And it's not like I didn't give enough notice either. I gave my manager two whole weeks to find a replacement for the shifts I said I'd take. I guess I'm writing this to say that I really need to stop giving myself undue stress for things I don't need it for. I need to start putting that mental energy elsewhere. All of this time I could have been working on my grad school essays, stuff for my coursework currently, was wasted in time spent obsessing of this current silly little situation. This anxiety thing needs to end and it needs to end now. I had to put my social anxiety group therapy sessions on hold while I do the CNA class this month, but you better believe I'm going back the moment I get a chance in August. On another note, the CNA class is going well. The book work is really easy, factual information like vital signs and procedures to memorize. There are skills that need to be practiced, like using a bed pan and cleaning a catheter, but they will come later. I'm happy with where my life is moving. I would ultimately like to make enough not to live in my parents' home, but that will come later too. I'm looking forward to going to canoeing or tubing this weekend during the hours I'm not working. I'm starting to resent working weekends now because I'm gaining more of a friend base here in Atlanta and it's starting to cut into social time. But I guess it will have to do for now, until I can find a real life nursing assistant job in a hospital during the week and such.

Happy Monday, Folks!

Definitely felt a little like this today!

Source: zeroing.tumblr.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Another Blast from the Past Post

Because that’s what I’m good at lately. Looking back at journals and writing what I wrote before. This one from July 11, 2006. We can learn something from history, if our minds are open enough. This day was my first day of my first AmeriCorps program.

I’m here. Nothing very exciting yet though apparently I’m so tired I can’t even get the right endings on my verbs. My room looks like college part II, though I think these rooms are in slightly worse condition than Creswell Hall’s if that’s at all possible. Ha! My room mate hasn’t actually shown up yet, so for tonight I have the room entirely to myself. Which is nice. I had a nice time unpacking and fixing things while listening to music on my mp3 player. Its sort of like summer camp. I met my team leader, and she seems sweet and smart. A bit on the energetic side, but I guess that’s what one wants in a team leader. My feet HURT from the day. I wore my cheap flats with my skirt, and they absolutely tore my feet apart entirely. So for the first couple of hours I’m here I was kinda glazed over. I’m also trying to remember to take this experience ONE day at a time and not get ahead of myself or too worried about events too far in advance. I introduced myself to my team today as almost OCD organized. And them later in the meeting someone asked for the address and I just shot it out. And some guy on the team said “were giving everything to her to remember from now on” (or something to that effect). Which made me feel good to know that my neurotic tendencies might actually be put to good use and appreciated here. Maybe. Flight here was delayed, so we didn’t actually get here til 6:30ish, giving us enough time to throw luggage in room and grab a PBJ for dinner and get on to meetings. Met several nice folks at the airport, but I haven’t actually seen them since stepping off the van. Tomorrow is a long day of intro stuff, and I’m really tired and would like to read my magazine before drifting off to sleep, so I think I will sign off and revisit feelings tomorrow, whenever. (I’m loving this new journal!) It actually had lines! And while I am aware that I still have some of my sketchbook to finish off, I’ll be doing most of my WRITING longhand in here for obvious reasons. I may be flipping back and forth between the two out of guilt and OCD need to finish one journal before starting another. Is it too soon to tell if I’m the loner yet? I have such loner tendencies, I don’t want them, but I fear I’m going to develop them and fall into the same patterns I’m sued to. Must remember to take life one day at a time. Indeed. Signing off for the night! Goodnight!

My friend Paige is Awesome

I used to follow her videos all the time in Korea. This is one of my favorites. Make sure you hear the moral of the buying bananas story at the end of this one.

A blast from the past post

A journal entry from January 17, 2006 Margaret Walker house. Mainly painting and sanding but did learn how to texturize ceilings. Old lady brigade take 2. Virginia and Indiana teams of volunteers. A lot of standing around. Interesting conversation with Janet about teaching. She told me about her nervous breakdown/battle w/depression through ten years of teaching high school French. I talked about my classroom experience and ended up telling her way more than I wanted to. She just seemed like a good listening ear at the time. Sweet woman. And we all know how women tend to flock in my direction. Is it because I am really them in my body? Do I really act like a 45-50-year old woman? I should hope not, but you really never know. I don't relate well with may people, much less people my age. But it seems as though the older women love me as a volunteer. I wonder why that is?

Thought of the day

If only I could live by this:

Source: google.com via Leigh-Ann on Pinterest

Of course we do!

I couldn't have said it better myself. Who is your special person? Or maybe you are lucky enough to have more than one? I'm working on this myself, but one day I will have that person that makes me look forward to tomorrow too!

Source: imgfave.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

It's Monday!

I'm starting Monday off at work this morning, which means I have about 5 hours to myself while the ladies are at their day program. I'm using them wisely. So far this morning I have completed my University of West Georgia graduate school application. Still have to request scores, transcripts, and write my essay, but I'm very proud of my motivation this morning. I had an excellent weekend, and met a member of Class XII, Red 5 out of Charleston and enjoyed comparing notes on our experiences and saying goodbye to a friend as she starts a new chapter in her life. I also signed up for a certified nursing assistant training course so that I can add to my skill set and make myself even more marketable in the group home market and maybe move into healthcare in general eventually...the options are endless!!!

Source: vmburkhardt.tumblr.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Great advice!

Source: google.ca via Nina on Pinterest

Sorry for You-Nellie McKay

One more, because it's PURTY!

Source: gardenmuse.wordpress.com via Cole on Pinterest

So true. We need this posted in the mirror of our lives...just to remind us all to avoid gossip from time to time!

Source: topnfun.com via Cole on Pinterest

Yes

Source: peeta-breadlover.tumblr.com via Ellen on Pinterest

Number one thing that comes up for me in the face of my anxiety recently. It's spring, and it's wedding and baby season. There's nothing like a facebook feed full of engagement ring shots and baby pics to get that old compare game fiercely stirring in one's mind. It's vicious, and if you're not careful, can send you down into a spiraling heap of self pity on the floor. I had to catch myself thinking today that my life is no different than anyone else's. OK, it's different. But it's not any worse. I'm an equal. I have just as much right to be occupying space on this planet as the married girl next to me in line at the yoga studio blabbing about her babysitting service. My life is real. And important. And that's that.

Good point: I'm no longer complaining about shit that happens at work!

Source: absolutelymadness.tumblr.com via Emma Jean on Pinterest

This is where am currently, just so you know

Source: vmburkhardt.tumblr.com via Emily on Pinterest

Decisions, decisions

As many of you know, I've been toying with my options in grad school. It's just time for a Master's Degree and to specialize in my field a bit. I have quite a bit of work experience in the education field. I have found out from experience that early childhood regular education is just not my thing. Hated the traditional classroom setting and how things are done in most schools. I do love working with children on an individual basis and found a great bit of enjoyment as a reading tutor, mentor, after school program leader, and classroom assistant (more individual work and in-depth classroom discussions with small groups.) I even loved teaching English abroad. I'm currently working in a group home with individuals with varying degrees of physical and developmental disabilities. Love it. But it's time to grow up, gain more skills and education. For the past year post Korea I've been preparing for a career in Speech and Language Pathology. I've been shadowing people in the field, taking additional coursework needed for grad programs, researching grad programs, etc. I'm fairly versed in American Sign Language (I could communicate with a deaf kid, age 4 if I needed to.)

Source: s194.photobucket.com via Ale on Pinterest

I took an anatomy class and over all the field is just really interesting. I applied to the program for next year at my local state university. I didn't get into the Masters SLP program for this year. They accept 25/200 and the feedback they gave me was basically, you're good, but we have better. A few students I've talked to (about 10 or so) said they were accepted on their second attempt. However, upon completion of the application process, I received a letter and then a call admitting me to the Multiple/Severe Disabilities master's program at the same school, in a different department. No questions asked, just welcome to the program. So somehow that tells me from my application that they think I'm a better fit for that program. Maybe I am really a special ed teacher at heart? Do I go for it? Or wait another year to see if I get in to the SLP program? Taking classes is not an option, as graduate courses don't transfer like undergrad credits. It also doesn't help that I'm 30 now and already beating myself up over "wasted" time. I hate making decisions! Any feedback from the peanut gallery would be welcomed.

This is my story: Listen carefully

Source: rusticbeauty.tumblr.com via Shelby on Pinterest

This is the story of a girl. No, this is the working story of a girl. This is the story of a girl trying to write her own story. No, this is the story of said girl trying to erase some of her past. This girl has had a very weird couple of months. Lots of firsts, lots of changes. Lots of progress with her goals, but a little bit of fun thrown in there too. This girl doesn't know where to go next.

Source: Uploaded by user via Josie on Pinterest

She is supposed to be applying to Master's programs in Speech Language Pathology. Every time she look on ASHA's website, she is confused. Just pick a state, she says to herself. Choose a destiny. How does one even do that. She might as well go ahead and throw a dart at a map blindfolded. And why isn't she in the Peace Corps like she said she'd be this time last year? Because she said it's time to grow up. Get a real life, whatever that means.

Source: google.com via Holly on Pinterest

Grad school scares this girl. Oy. This girl will figure it out, and figure out that life is a journey, not a destination. This girl needs to learn how to enjoy the bumpy ride she calls life.

Theme of the week

Source: publicschool.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

This is the theme of the week

Source: publicschool.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

So true.

Source: 26.media.tumblr.com via Maura on Pinterest

Yes and yes, and oh yeah, Yes!

Anyone feel like this today? *Raises hand* It's exhausting being a woman.

My thoughts exactly.

Source: nhanfiction.com via Tove on Pinterest

Look what I learned to do this semester!

Lookback: 9/5/07

"If there is a hell, I will bet it takes the form of a school cafeteria." ~Me, after lunch duty today I am from "Oy vey" and "toughen up" Magnolia trees I can climb higher than you bike races and when we got older how long did you exercise today? Productivity are you doing something productive? I am from Irish Canadian Russian Jew I am timid Almost afraid of new situations I feel that lifelong learning is very important.

Update

I think it's time for a post. I'm almost done with the semester and am quickly losing motivation to study. I may just have to settle for a B in Anatomy, with As in my three other courses. Sometimes you just have classes like that. I have so much that I need to be doing, but so little time. All I really want to do is sit down with my book and read for fun. But three more weeks until I can do that! I'm still working at the same place and trying to get observation hours with SLPs scheduled for the summer and get online classes registered for. It's just so intimidating this thing called life. Not to mention finding another full-time job for the summer. I've been looking, but it really hasn't happened yet. Oy. I guess I should just be happy for what I do have and roll with the punches as they come. This should provide inspiration today:

Source: sherricassaradesigns.blogspot.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Source: behappy.me via Emily on Pinterest

That sums it up right there

Source: absolutelymadness.tumblr.com via Emily on Pinterest

I feel like this is true for me this week...

Source: thelemmelibrary.blogspot.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

It's been crazy, but the thing bringing me solace this week is the book I'm reading and my alone time. I'm currently reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. It's a memoir of her life growing up in poverty. It's really well done and while depressing, totally engrossing with imagery I can just lose myself in...What have you read that you have totally been absorbed in recently? If you say the Hunger Games...that's on my list...don't say anything about the ending...I'm getting there.

"You are never as alone as you think you are...."

This secret this week resonated with me greatly for some reason....

A little Moulin Rouge to start the weekend off right...

But in all seriousness, this thought is always with me:

Source: goinghometoroost.com via Carlee on Pinterest

Look MOM!

I just applied to summer camp. I am 30 years old. Oy. I'm really looking forward to it though, strangely. They do say that summer camp is really just the land of misfit toys staff-wise. Maybe I'm more of a misfit than I thought I was. :)

Fill in the Blank Friday

1. The highlight of my week was trampoline aerobics.

2. If I had to classify my interior design aesthetic it would be simple and IKEA-like.

3. My first vehicle was a 1992 Ford Taurus.

4. An item I need to have in my day in order to function is caffeine in some form and a book to read.

5. My favorite way to waste time is messing around on Pinterest, Twitter, Blogger, and other fun websites.

6. Right now I could really go for a massage. My shoulders are killing me.

7. This weekend I will be working. Boo. But yay for having a job. Can't forget to be thankful for that. Even if it does mean I work every weekend.

Ha.

Source: ow.ly via Josh on Pinterest

Thought of the day

My final plea to GSU: "I'm not a moron; let me in. See, I know how to use a semi-colon correctly and I know the difference between a possessive and a contraction. I'm a good language model."

I'm slightly second guessing my interview answers at the moment, and it's really freaking me out that a decision will be posted by the end of this week. Oy. It's going to be a loooooong week....

Need a little Monday boost?

Source: Uploaded by user via Jennifer on Pinterest

You're welcome. For some reason I laughed really hard when I saw this...hope your Monday is off to a better start than mine...OK. Off to class and study!